You know how you are always looking for the up side of everything?
All the platitudes and one-liners that encourage you to make the best of everything, regardless of what it is?
You have taken that all a bit too far now, haven’t you?
Recently a bright, amazing young woman was talking to me about her brother who is ill with cancer, on top of not being the most reliable person in the world when it comes to telling the truth. His recreational activities of long-term drug use have left him riddled with other entities that like to jump in and take over from time to time, since he’s not there anyway, and his sense of entitlement that she should take care of him is unquestioned.
As has been the deal all her life, she is trying to do her best to take care of him because that’s what she’s for and what she’s supposed to do. Like she did their father before he died and her mother before that, caring for others has been her job, duty, description and identity for as long as she can remember.
There was a situation where he was angry at her for not doing something the way he expected her to, and he did what he always did, which was yell at her, tell her she’s stupid and everything he’s always done with her since they were little. Belittling, criticizing, and dismissing her.
Only this time when he did that, she knows how to stand there and let it all pass by her. She did not take it in or on – she just let it flow on through and past her. There was nothing in her for that energy to stick to, to resonate with, and to hook her into what he was saying.
“I couldn’t believe it,” she said.
“He just did what he always has done and what usually reduces me to a puddle of self-doubt, but this time I used the techniques as it was happening, to stand by me and to let all that energy pass on through and past me. I was actually peaceful and just noticing – wow, he’s having some big reaction there. He’s throwing a lot of energy at me, but it’s not about me. This is all about him. Wow – I had never seen that before, or felt that …. Calm, intact, whole, before. It was awesome!”
A week later she was noticing how she didn’t like some of the things he was expecting her to do, and she told me about it saying that she knew it was her problem, a problem with her attitude and she’d just have to adjust it, to work on letting go her anger.
I asked her what she was angry about; being expected to just drop everything and rearrange her life with only a moment’s notice to drive him places and be his admin assistant on top of his nurse-driver and and and whatever else he thought of. For one thing, that’s what she’d there for and besides, she’s always done that with him, why would he not expect it of her now?
But he’s got cancer – I can’t be mad at my only brother when he’s dying.
What if someone who has cancer drove their car over your food and stopped the car there. Could you get mad at them for that?
Well, kind of, I guess, but they do have cancer.
Yes, they have cancer, and they drove their car onto your foot, and stopped. Intentionally or unconsciously, it’s the same thing – car parked on your foot. Is it okay to be mad now?
Well, really I should forgive them, right? Forgiveness is the answer and anger is bad.
Or maybe I should just go off on him for parking on my foot, right? Stand up for myself and all that? But really… he’s just doing what he’s always done.
And if you just always do what you’ve always done, you’ll get treated like you always have.
We train people how to treat us.
Not through words alone but by what we don’t say, don’t do.
Not standing up for yourself is not being of service to others.
You cannot be of service to others while abandoning and ignoring your own needs.
Remember the old classic movie To Have And To Have Not? Lauren Bacall’s first movie, with Humphrey Bogart no less.
There is a scene when she is being questioned and gets slapped across the face. Steve comments that she’s not an amateur at getting slapped. She didn’t duck it and she wasn’t thrown by it; she just stood there firm and took it. Like someone who’s used to it; who expects it.
What if you start minding when you get slapped? What if you start saying, “Hey – get that car off my foot!”
What if you start sticking up for yourself?
Like you matter?
Like you are the most valuable person in your life?
You don’t have to “act out,” but you don’t have to pretend it’s not happening either.
If you really want to honor the light and divinity within another, how can to willfully refuse to see and honor the light and divinity within you?
If you have ever believed that you really are only here to be of service to others, with a decided flavor of being sub-servient to others, or if you feel as though the only value is to try, try hard and never really be or do enough, and you manifest situations and people in your life that reinforce that or validate that for you…
If you can’t really relate to any of this, I am glad.
But for any of you who can relate and are 100% ready to stop living this way, give me a call.
If you are ready to
- stand by you, in all ways – thoughts, deeds, words and actions
- stand tall, fearlessly
- know with every fiber of your being that you are spectacular
- have your everyday life feel 1000% better than you ever could imagine
- ready to invest in your well-being and joyful living
Email me at email@example.com or give me a call at 206-452-3557.
If you are ready to begin your yearlong Spiritual Living Program Training, a Premium 1:1 package, starting on September 22, the final day of summer, at East West Bookshop.
If this is your time to step up in your commitment to living your true nature and spiritual purpose, and arrange your life in such a way to support you in satisfying your calling, let’s talk. Contact me by Wednesday, 9/2 and let’s explore if this program is right for you.
I look forward to hearing from you, and to working with you.