Delia Yeager

What have you been more loyal to than you?

For the past few days I have found myself watching a movie or something and my body starts crying, and I notice the sadness my body is feeling. And I wonder – am I sad? Why is my body tearing up? There is a sadness, but what is it about?

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of “reason’s” to be sad; the death of a dear person I used to know, various people’s illnesses and unknown outcomes, the dis-integration of the country under the malicious apathy of an unqualified lunatic, to name a few. And while all of this is current, none of it is acute.

So I did what I teach and do more and more – I asked, “Whose sadness is this?” And started releasing anything that’s not mine.

Then I asked – “is *any* of this mine? “

That’s a new question. I’ve always just assumed some portion of it was mine before…

Then – “Was *any* of it ever mine?!!!”

OMG! “Was ANY of it EVER mine?????”  

Holy shit!  NONE of the sadness I had wrapped myself in, wallowed in, revered, prayed to, swaddled myself in, hell, IDENTIFIED AS – NONE of it was EVER MINE!!!!!!!! Holy shit!

It was as if a skin sloughed off in that moment. A film was wiped clean from my eyes.

A whole, complete, life-long identity simply fell away in that moment, and the world was absolutely new.

 

If I wasn’t the sensitive, emotional sad one any more, what else was possible?

If I didn’t have to be attending the alter of sadness anymore, what could I do with all that time and energy?

If I wasn’t always reminding everyone of the sadness, so they could show their respect and depth and gravitas, and so I could prove mine, then what the hell would I spend all my time and energy on?!!!!

OMG – it was a whole, new world in a single moment!

I’d never so aware of how much I had identified with and *as* sadness before. So absolutely, so completely.

And from now on, it’s simply one of the constellation of emotions we have in our navigation sensor system that is our fantastic, wonderful, amazing body.

Sadness has its gifts, including helping us wash away what is not longer true, or part of us; no longer for our greater good. But I no longer have to be loyal to sadness, above everything else!

Ask for the day – what self-identification have I been nurturing that is really a limit instead of a truth have I been choosing? What if I release all allegiance to that part, and instead chose allegiance to my whole, infinite Self? The parts I know about as well as the parts I don’t know about? What else is possible?

 

What have you been more loyal to than You?

What if you have things in an order that’s not only not exactly serving you, but in fact preventing you from having a more full, more bountiful, more fun – life?!!!