What would be so wrong with your feeling totally loved and luscious in your skin? We have many ways of withholding love-money-fulfillment-self-confidence-feeling-great-about-self “until we earn or deserve” it, or some such other. But let’s start with the big one.
You know, that thing? That thing you can’t stand so much that you swore to yourself you’d never do again… after you do that thing again, and that heat flush of shame-hate-guilt-loathing comes up again; in that moment of intensity, ask yourself – “Can I love myself anyway?” and always, always make the answer, “Yes.” Even when you don’t feel it….
Especially when you don’t feel it, make the answer Yes.
Decide and chose Yes to loving you, any way.
“I can’t love myself because this means I’m a failure, a loser, stupid, a flunky, a liar, a thief, sleazy, fucked-up,”; whatever your favorite self-loathing judgments are, they will come up.
With each one of them ask again, “Okay – I’m a loser. Can I love myself anyway?” and make the answer Yes.
“I’m a failure – can I love myself anyway?” and make the answer Yes.
“I am damaged, broken, fucked-up – can I love myself anyway?” and make the answer Yes.
Do this with all the objections, all the resistance, all the defenses. Keep asking, and answering Yes.
Because every one of those judgments, objections, exceptions and conclusions are barriers that you have up and maintain to withhold love and affinity from yourself. They are the reason-bars of your prison, and they are only as hard and harsh as your belief in them, as you maintain them, with your agreement with and faith in them.
Every one of those judgments, objections, exceptions and conclusions negates and invalidated the real truth of you stripping you of your power and glory as a unique spirit in a fantastic body.
Maybe your father wouldn’t love you unless you were excellent at this or that; now, decades later you won’t love yourself because you are a loser, same as your father. So now you are always creating situations where
1. You are a loser so
2. You can’t love yourself and therefore
3. You can’t tolerate anyone else loving you, because that would make your whole premise of who you are and how life works.
The test for how true this is for you is in looking around at your life.
Where are you withholding validation, attention, praise, appreciation for yourself, and why?
What would it take for you to validate yourself 100%? Everything that you list that would have to happen before you could validate yourself 100% is another notch in your withholding of love and affinity for yourself, another bar to the prison you hold yourself within.
Isn’t it funny how willing we are to lie to ourselves about how bad we are, with some zeal and devotion to being good or telling the truth, yet we will not admit any goodness about ourselves except under extreme circumstances or duress?
What would be so bad if you stop catastrophizing yourself or your life?
What would happen if you stopped threatening and scaring yourself all the time?
What bad would happen if you didn’t withhold your validation, attention, praise, appreciation for yourself?
What would you be if you did not hold every perceived mistake, infraction, fuck-up, weakness, and wounding against yourself, without mercy or compassion? What bad would happen?
Who would you be if you didn’t withhold your validation, attention, praise, appreciation for yourself?
Who would you be if you lavished your validation, attention, praise, appreciation for yourself?
Who would you be if you tell yourself simply what is, and not the conventional wisdom conclusion stories about what things mean about you, your life, your worth and all that other clutter that’s generally not true anyway?
You would be your glorious, infinite Self, clothed in this amazing body-mind-personality suit, walking and talking joy, satisfaction, creativity and abundance into the physical world, all day long.
Be curious. Be aware. What are you making more important than your own thriving and glorious, luscious living?
Getting oneself untangled from a lot of miss-information and lies from the culture takes time, determination, commitment and compassion for yourself.
Often, it takes a native guide, like me, who has been through these jungles before you, and knows how to get to the other side. Let’s do this – let’s get you thriving.
Trust the process.
Trust your higher self.
Time is one your side.
The Universe is on your side.
Now, make the choice and Be On Your Side.
You see what you want to see.
Seek and you shall find.
This is cosmic law.
Instead of asking what’s wrong, start looking for, declaring & appreciating what’s right with you, this situation and everything?