Years ago, after some trauma in my life, I decided that to be anchored to “the real world,” what I needed to do was wake up every morning, and recount everything that happened yesterday, that other people saw and knew about, so I could live in continuity of reality – their reality.
That was how I was not going to go certifiably crazy, and yet, by anchoring my sense of self, and “reality” to others, I set myself up for years of actual insecurity – as in not secure within myself, because I was so focused on others and their opinions, judgments, conclusions, and projections.
It was a brilliant strategy in that moment. It did in fact help me through that time.
But because it came out of intense survival/death threat energy, it had a locked-in quality, and if I didn’t live in that kind of continuity, the reality of others and appearances, I feared for my survival.
But, that’s the makings of a prison.
Everything about my security and survival was wrapped up in other people’s points of view, perceptions, judgments; their own insecurities, power-games, and fears.
Years later, as I started using energy techniques for healing, the symbol that came up for this energy was a common screw.
You can twist yourself around so many times, to please so many people’s opinions, projections and view-points, that you can lose your own Self and what you might like or want, independent of the demands of others, or modern “reality.”
To protect yourself, which is in fact your top job/duty/responsibility, you can trade myself away so much and without even knowing it, that you feel betrayed – gone against – by your own self, so often, that you can lose track of you.
When you disown yourselves, you I felt lonely, insecure, in doubt, and anxious – all the time.
When you lack you – the only one who can make me whole, safe, complete, empowered, juicy, thriving, full and save you, you feel lost, abandoned, like you’re in this thing called life all by your lonesome, with no one who cares, because you feel the absence of You – your whole, full, infinite, spirit-Self.
I grew up in tumultuous and uncertain times, in a tumultuous and uncertain household.
I was groomed for the tumultuous and uncertain times that we are living in, and so were you – by Divine Guidance.
Ways to Stand By You
There is new information for you to operate from. Think of it as an operating system upgrade. I created the Spiritual Living Practice program, to fill in the blanks, introduce new information, techniques, tools and weekly coaching that supports your inner game transformation into thriving. For more about that, click here.
1. DECIDE to stop judging/oppressing yourself
This may be tricky to learn how to do, if you have an automatic self-criticism pattern, but all the more reason to commit to it. First, ask yourself to start to notice when you are thinking/talking self-critically. If you have a friend or family member who also wants to be less judgmental, you can maybe buddy up, and gently point it out to each other when the other is speaking judgmentally about themselves. It is often easier to observe something in someone else first, before we can see it in ourselves. The key thing here is the gentleness. Judging yourself for being judgmental is never the answer, sweetie! Whereas hugs can be. When you find yourself talking mean to yourself about yourself, pinch your adorable cheek and remind yourself that that’s how you used to be, but now you are choosing differently, like, “I choose me. I choose to be on my side.”
2. DECIDE to stop abandoning you
You may not know how you abandon you at all, but if you feel this idea in the pit of your stomach, or if your breathing changed, your body is trying to communicate with you that now would be a great time for you to DECIDE to stop abandoning you.
Again, using the power of your choice to change things is very potent. Choosing to be On Your Side, Choosing You in every moment, repeating these choices when you catch yourself thinking mean or negatively about yourself, these interruptions in the unconscious flow of your habitual thinking and being are exactly what’s going to change the quality of your day, heal and improve your relationships starting with your relationship with yourself, and more.
3. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY
Everyday we are trained to ignore, suppress, judge and belittle our body to “get it to,” do/be something someone else has told us our body’s need to do/be. This is bullshit. Sure, in a war zone it is probably best to ignore the pain, but in everyday life, it is the height of cruelty, to invalidate your body’s wisdom and information.
Start NOTICING the aches, pains, breathing, burbs, yawns, everything your body is using to communicate with you.
You can say – “Thank you! Good body! I know I don’t comprehend what you are trying to tell me yet, and that in the past I have not wanted to hear you at all, but I do now! I am ready to learn your languages and what you are trying to tell me! I want to be calibrated to the feather from now on, and not the two by four to the knees! I want to hear you! Keep talking to me as I learn to hear and listen!”
4. New Mantra – I CHOOSE ME
We all have a model of a supremely selfish person that we know, to scare us out of choosing ourselves, and yet if you are not choosing you, you are not being on your side. And if you are not on your side, you don’t have your back, and your system has every right to be sounding the alarm 24/7 because you will not answer the call to do your prime directive – take care of you!
This has nothing to do with screwing over other people. It has to do with stopping screwing over you.
4a. Another New Mantra – YES, I CAN
Maybe you have had a lot of non-permission from other people in your life, and you may be aware of the non-permission coming at you from school, work, society, TV shows, movies, church even, but I promise you, there is more non-permission in your system than you can yet imagine. And the good news is – energy that is in your system that doesn’t belong to you – you can simply release it! Making a silly song (amusement is the highest healing vibration there is) out of I CAN is a great way to start integrating more PERMISSION into your system. Pick any tune you like, and sing along out loud or in your head – “I can I can I can I can, I can I can I can, I can, I can I can I can, I can I can I can I can I can!” Do this multiple times a day, and notice your body wanting to smile.
5.WHO does this belong to? RETURN to sender with consciousness
When you feel that sinking feeling, condemning you or taking the wind out of your sail; any gloom or doom, or “there’s no point in trying even,” instead of agreeing and believing it, start asking – “Who does this belong to?” And without waiting for an answer, start saying, “Return to sender with consciousness,” and keep repeating it over and over, at least 10 or 20 times, until you feel your body starting to relax a bit, your breathing improves, your shoulders start to come down from your ears, your head starts to clear and your body feels lighter.
None of this is about doing it “perfectly,” or remembering every minute of every day, but instead it is about becoming more aware of some things you may not have been paying attention to, and allowing yourself to make changes at your pace.
Remembering to do this isn’t easy. Many people use their phone’s to set reminders to remind them, which does make it a lot easier. And the more you do them, the more you can get the benefit of doing them, so the more you can start feeling better now, and then you go from trying to remember to wanting to do it more, because who doesn’t want to the power to feel better now?
Any of these can totally change (improve) the quality of your day in an instant, but if they don’t, keep using the one(s) that you’re most attracted to, seems easiest, and keep at it for 3 days. Jot down in a notebook what your experience is the first few times you try it, and then the next day, and the next.
Do the experiment for yourself and see what kind of results you get. That’s the most important thing, after all.
I truly am so grateful you are here.