A few years ago, I needed a physical experience of trusting the Universe.
I had been wrestling with a lot of fear and uncertainty and PTSD, and my mind was full of ideas and thoughts about trust, and opinions about how much I loved and trusted the Universe, but when I let all that go I suddenly realized that I did not know what trust felt like.
So I found a friend who had gone white water rafting before, as we went on a weekend trip to the Kern River.
The morning we arrived they coached us on what to do if we were washed out of the boat.
“Keep your feet up, so you can let the river carry you without getting too banged up on the rocks,” he said. I heard, “Don’t resist.”
Don’t resist. Yea, right. What a concept!
“Know that we in the boat will do everything we can to get you back in the boat, but – sometimes people get pretty panicky and we can’t risk being pulled out of the boat by them while we’re trying to pull them back in. So just remember, if you are out of the boat and you get too panicked and are on the verge of pulling your rescuer into the river with you, they may have to not only let go of you, but push you away from the boat. If this happens, just know that we will come around and take another pass at getting you into the boat. We’ve never left anyone behind yet, but we can’t let the one in the water pull out and endanger the one(s) in the boat. So keep breathing, and keep those feet up. Try to keep calm.”
When I heard it that morning I thought, “Yea, yea, yea, that all makes sense. Except I wouldn’t do that. It’s just a little water. What’s the big deal?”
Turned out I was, “one of those people.” Yikes.
I got washed out into the river in a Class 4 rapid, and I freaked out. Big time. 2 of us got washed out at the same time. We were both in the drink; she was further away from the boat than I was.
The water was boiling all around, not hot, but moving fast and all these crazy currents from the rocks and the speed of the water.
All I could remember to do was to keep my feet up.
They got me alongside the raft to pull me up. The guy had his hands on my arms, and mine were tightly holding on to his. But the set up was wrong, and I started panicking.
He said he’d have to let me go, and take another pass at getting me out. My mind and mouth said, “Yea, sure, okay,” but my hands would not. let. go. My body was going to pull him out of the boat rather than let go. It was a distinctly weird sensation.
He pried my hands loose, which was bad enough, but then he pushed me down and away from the boat. He told me what he was doing but again, my body was just absolutely freaking out. I buoyed under then bobbed up incredulous, but by then I wasn’t on the verge anymore, literally and figuratively. My bigger self had my body self in check. All systems were less desperate. Feet up was not a bad way to go down the river, and it was less treacherous that trying to get back into the boat.
As they navigated the boat for another pass in the rapids, I had a chance to reach my friend with one had and the boat with the other. I passed her over to the boat, and they got her in safely.
Then I was my turn again and this time I wasn’t as desperate, did not use a death grip on the guy, and this time it was a Marine and he fairly plucked me out of the water like a twig. It was much less treacherous the second time around because my body’s fear was not in control.
In many healing circles there is an old adage that says, “When you find that you are digging yourself deeper and deeper into a hole, stop digging.” It’s so true.
And when you find your fear is absolutely controlling you, and your mind is racing, telling you how you have to do something now, have to fix this and that now, stop. Use every method and trick you know, but find one and stick with it – find a way to stop.
When you find your life is on a down spiral, crazy things coming out of left field, weird things happening, stop. Just find a way to stop.
Stop trying to fix things. Stop trying to run from things. Stop trying to hold it all together. Stop trying to be positive. Stop trying altogether in fact. Just stop. Let everything go. Just let go, and keep your feet up.
Watch all the thoughts and emotions flood on through, and don’t buy into any of them. Just let them go too.
Don’t make any plans, or decisions, don’t tell any stories about what it all means, and don’t look outside for answers. Just let it all go; let it all flow; keep your feet up and trust the process.
There is a lot of “course correction” energy active on the planet right now.
This can look like some things are falling apart, and it can look like everything is falling apart. But just remember, Life IS a process, and you can trust the process.
Stop believing in all your thoughts, or emotions, so hard. Soften your controlling death-grip.
It is a lot like when you have too much caffeine in your system – there’s nothing you can do but stop resisting it all, don’t believe in it too much, and let it run its course.
Resisting at this point is Fear of What Might Be, what might come, what could happen – and all of that is in the future.
Remember, being too much in the future makes the body anxious!
BE right here, right now.
Breathe slowly, deeply, as if you have all the time and peace in the world. Keep your feet up.
Breathe as though you trust the Universe, and keep your feet up.
Even if you have to be a little stern with yourself, you don’t have to be brutal. Give yourself time to just breathe, and come back to right here right now where, once you let go of the death grip, everything really is okay. Better than okay – safe. Right here, right now.
Stop everything. Breathe. Let go and keep your feet up. Let the river carry you a while.
After a while, your answers will bubble up from within, organically, and you will know the right thing to do.
You will find that the River of life IS carrying you, and you can keep your feet up.
“For the first time in 10 years, I no longer battle with the negative thoughts and feelings I have had about the condition to the degree that I had…. Your respectful presence has always made learning the techniques feel safe. I’ve benefited from techniques in my daily life. Most notably, I feel the empowerment that comes from using the techniques “on the spot” to let go of any negative thoughts before they begin building again. I feel much relief! It feels so good to have some control back within my own life again. Thank you Delia! ” Barbara in California
The next Core Spiritual Energy Training Telecourse begins Feb. 16.
Click here for more information and to register. Register by midnight tomorrow night, Feb 10 and get a great discount.
For those of you who have already taken the Core classes, I have something special coming up for soon. I will keep you posted.